How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
