She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
