i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
