I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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