I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Randomize
