Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
