A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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