and you said cock pushups were impossible
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
