Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
