this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
