Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
