Your mouth is God's brothel.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
