we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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