he thought i was a dude.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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