she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
