Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I think we might need a safe word for this...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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