everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Randomize
