Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
