When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
