I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I FOUND THE LEGS
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
