The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
