hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
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He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
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Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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