Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
