i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
