What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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