My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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