I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
