I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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