we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
