Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
even my farts smell like vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
