I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize