i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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