Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
