I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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