just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
