y did u give ur computer a hand job?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize