I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
