I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
