you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Randomize
