I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
