I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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