Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
