I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just pee around me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
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