She went from zero to smokin in five shots
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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