drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
