I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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