You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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