...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I need to sanitize my soul.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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