It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
