I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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