This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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