I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
