Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
