Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
