So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
