Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
