First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my being single is dangerous.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
