ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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