i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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