Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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