was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
