btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
