all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
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