just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
