Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
