I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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